Chloe Grace

May 13, 2014

5.5 inches • 4 ounces

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Brief mentions of domestic abuse are discussed in this post, but NO details are. Please take care while reading.

May 6th, 2014 started out as any other normal Tuesday. My almost six month old and I were going about our day just as normal. I had plans to meet up with a friend that afternoon so I was making sure he got a good morning nap and that all of the things needed were ready to go. Fast forward to afternoon, we went for lunch and I just didn't feel right. My friend and I were talking and she goes, "I think you should take a pregnancy test." Thrown off I just stared at her and told her, "There is no way I'm pregnant!" and I rattled off all the reasons why I just KNEW I couldn't be. Well...I was wrong.

"There is no way I'm pregnant!"...I was wrong.

I was able to get in with my OB the following day and there he confirmed...pregnant. Fourteen and a half weeks to be exact. This was not planned. I couldn't possibly be having another. How did I go so long without even suspecting this? With my first I knew immediately. I couldn't fathom having two babies...let alone the second one being born not even a month before the first's first birthday. All I could do for the next couple of days was tell myself it was all a dream.

The reality was starting to set in. That Sunday was Mother's Day. I spent the day doing a 5K walk for Breast Cancer with my first born, my aunt and one of my best friends. I didn't speak a word about the news I received days prior. I tried to act like everything was normal. I hadn't even told the baby's dad yet, I probably shouldn't tell anyone else. Late that afternoon, I was about to tell the dad when my parents' called. They wanted to know if I would like to join them for supper. Of course I took this opportunity to put off the pregnant talk longer...I knew it wasn't going to go well.

When I got back, the dad was in his garage drinking with friends. I went to see if we could talk for a minute and instead of just being told, "no," I was screamed at. I went in the house. Later on he came in and started arguing with me. I made some comment back and...well...it got physical. I don't like talking about the details of this moment, and I am not going to give those details here either. In the midst of things, I yelled, "I'M PREGNANT!" He paused. I thought things were over. I got up to go get an ice pack and was followed...things weren't over. I spent the entire night just bawling and holding my stomach. Nothing was spoken of this the next day. He had zero recollection.

I yelled, "I'M PREGNANT!"

That Tuesday, May 13th, I was shopping with a friend to try to ease my mind of everything that has transpired over the past couple of days. All of a sudden, pain. Sooo much pain. My friend told me we had to get me to the hospital.

I can still hear the nurse say, "She's so tiny, do you want to see her?" while I was lying there a sobbing mess. My eyes shot up at her when I heard her the "she" and I nodded my head while sobbing even more. She fit right in my hand. She was the most perfect little thing I had ever seen at only 5.5 inches long and 4 ounces. It was in that moment that I knew Grace, a Latin name coming from the word grâtia meaning "gratitude", would be her middle name. I was so grateful that through everything that happened, she looked as though she didn't feel a single second of pain. Chloe, is in remembrance of my late best friend.

"She's so tiny, do you want to see her?"

Not many people knew about my pregnancy nor the loss for a while. After losing Chloe, I made it my mission to get myself and my at-the-time six month old earth-side baby out of that situation so nothing else bad could happen. We moved out just a few short weeks later.

✦ Written by, Chloe's Mom ✦

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